The Random
by Moniquita2
Summary: Hey guys! This will be a copilation of all those stupid thoughts I get on the Mass Effect series that you may find interesting or funny. Short chapters every once in a while. This will jump from my Shepards to generalized ones, or may not even involve her at all. Don't worry, I will tell you if you are about to stumble towards a spoiler.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Ok, guys, I just realized... that while I have my bouts of serious inspiration, everyday I think stupid things that some people may enjoy or find funny. So, I made this. In each chapter there will be a warning if there are spoilers and all will be pretty short.**

 _MY SOFIA SHEPARD:_

"Garrus?"

"Yes?"

"What is Seight?"

"...I don't know, Shepard. What is it?"

"You wrote it, so I thought you'd know."

"But you are the one who is teaching me how to write in english."

"But I didn't teach you that word!"

"Ok, fine, where is it?

"There."

"Shepard, there I am showing you I have learned the numbers. This is an 8, and this is the writen form."

"That's not an 8, Garrus, that's an S."

"No, it isn't."

"It sure looks like it!"

He sighed. "Can't we just go to the shooting range?"

"Don't back out, Vakarian! You promised to show me how to write like a Turian if I showed you english. And you must keep your promises."

"You could teach me something else like-"

"Garrus?"

"Yes?"

"No. It is decided."

"Oh, _fine._ "

 **To keep reading you should have** **played** **MASS EFFECT 2. VERY MINOR SPOILER.**

 _SAME STORY ARK AS "WELL I WON'T STAND HERE DOING NOTHING."_

"Shepard, we could always try to convince the council. They have to believe us at some point, with the right kind of persuation. And surely will be of much more help than the individual sponsors we've been contacting."

Agatha snorted. "Liara, I dismiss those claims."

"...fair enough."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Mass Effect 3 MAYOR SPOILER**_

 **Author's note: I was having a very nice day, not thinking in anything in particular, when suddenly I realized I had taken a pen, a paper, and written a freaking rap. I know because had the melody and everything. Christ, minds and their sudden interests. Also, it is kind of stupid, not everything makes complete sense. But hey, I did say this is where I put my stupid bursts! All rights reserved. That's a lie, BioWare own everything, god!**

 _ **Mass Effect 3 MAYOR SPOILER (told you twice!)**_

Shepard dies!

Everybody cries!

For from the skies,

They will not be nice!

And like mice,

only she can make them!

...

Only she can make them!

Under a single term,

that they let her govern

like that fictional Green Lantern!

And this let us discern,

there was someone behind all this!

...

There was someone behind this!

A goddamn bastard he/she is!

A self-centered lonely prick!

That thought it well to proclaim

himself the rightful king!

And someone let him!

He was a bastard too.

...

He was a bastard too,

c'mon let's give him "boos"!

But to be fair, the poor tool,

didn't know he wasn't being cool!

...

And no, oh, no!

This is not my true ending!

Oh, no no!

What, you think me crazy?

...

Mine was destroy!

I wouldn't risk my boy,

who, by the way, is not a toy!

He is for that too coy!

...

And so,

that's it for today!

I can't get this song

out of my day,

out of my head, ow!

...

And you know this is a rap,

so fun to make it,

on each tap.

Oh! How I liked it!


	3. A new pet: Quirky's story

**Author's Note: Maybe, just maybe, though I hardly think so…** ** _VERY MINOR MASS EFFECT 2 SPOILER._**

"I need something, anything."

"By 'something, anything'… you mean a pet."

"Yes. If there is something good from joining Cerberus, is that we may bring pets into the ship."

"They haven't said so. In fact, I don't think Miranda would approve-"

"That's Miranda. Miranda doesn't approve of _anything._ Besides, they suffer a distinctive lack of regulations. Jacob told me."

"You told me about that one time, and his intention and meaning had nothing to do with pets."

"You don't know the uses some people give to 'pet', do you?"

"… that's sick."

"I know."

"But he never even mentioned the word."

"I know. I just wanted to see you face. Priceless."

"Har. Har."

" 'Har har' to you too."

.-.-.

"So, here it is… they only have fish."

"They don't _only_ have fish, they _mostly_ have fish. And anyway, we _are_ looking for fish."

"You'll kill them."

"I don't get _that_ hungry, you know?"

"You'll get them that hungry."

"I am forgetful, yes, but they'll swim in that big-arse tank reminding me to feed them."

"You'll kill them, anyway."

"So little faith."

"You don't even like fish, you told me."

"But between an empty fish-tank, and a full one, which one do you think gets more monotone?"

"I can't condone you killing living creatures because they are boring."

"Look, I—Look at that!"

"What! Where?"

"Aren't you cute, you little thing?"

"…that's a rat."

"Don't listen to the jerk, baby."

"I thought you humans hated rats?"

"Sweety, you no rat. You a mouse, aren't ya'? A cute mouse."

"It looks like a rat."

Standing up: "A rat is ugly, big and hairy. That thing is a beauty." Stepping over to the seller's desk. "How much does it cost? Done. It's a her? Great!"

"You'll kill her too."

"But listen to her chirps. How could I forget?"

"I bet you a hundred she'll die within the month."

.-.-.-.

"Pay up."

"So, that's it! You remember when it's convenient for you!"

"You are not getting out of paying."

 **Author's Note: Yes, Jacob flirted with me while I made gagging noises in front of the TV. I was so angry at being with Cerberus that I chose the lower dialog options because they tended to be renegade, and with them I wanted to be a Jerk. Instead, I found myself flirting. Oh, the irony!**


	4. Sisters

**Agatha Shepard: Mindior Origin.**

In the bedroom upstairs.

"No, it's too mainstream for them."

"What's mainstream anymore?"

"What do you mean?"

"The extranet goes between all the races, with all the aliens. And we care for very different things so…"

"Nah, there is a mainstream."

"Oh? Is there? Tell me of something, anything, that interests humans, turians… even hanar!"

"Blasto."

"That so doesn't count!"

"Why?" She asked, holding in a bewildered laugh.

" 'Cause its Blasto!"

"Oh, shut up already. There is a mainstream."

"You don't know that!"

"Oh, and who knows?" She challenged, leaning forward into the bed.

Both sisters' eyes widened simultaneously, they knew exactly who would know.

"Gatha!"

"Agatha!"

In the kitchen. 

"Your sisters are calling."

"Yes, they are."

"You don't wanna go see what's it about?"

"As much as I love them, mom, I have a feeling it'll be a waste of my time." She flipped the page of her book.


	5. Pets, too much

"I want a pyjack."

"You want a- a pyjack?!"

"Yes."

"A pyjack?"

"I know Grunt will probably want to smash it, and that they tend to be very annoying, but annoying and fun and separated by a very thin line. Also, they are extremely cute."

"You have fish and a rodent."

"Has a name."

"Avoiding."

She shrugged. "I just want one."

"Are you lacking affection or something."

"Oh, shut up." She said, smiling.

They never talked about it again. And she never got her pyjack.

 **AUTHOR'S Note: So of you may be thinking "why does she never put names here?" Well, it's up to you to decide which characters are talking.**


End file.
